Making a difference by
supporting others

Throughout our lives, some of us may experience hardships and tough periods. When those we care for hit such rough patches, we may notice them acting unusual and showing signs that they are unwell. As someone in their lives, we can play an important role in reaching out and providing the support and comfort they need. For example, we could catch up with them over a meal or coffee, provide them with helpful information and resources, or simply just be there to offer them a listening ear.

While such acts may seem simple, it can make a difference. Knowing that there is someone to talk to and listen without passing judgement, can help them cope better with their struggles. Read on to find out how we can better support those we care for.

How impactful can our support be?

Learn why it is important to help others and how providing support and words of comfort can make a big difference

Our actions can make a significant
and meaningful difference to those
we support

Supporting others can also enrich
our own lives

How do we recognise who
needs support?

As it may not always be obvious when someone we care for is having a hard time, we can look out for them by
paying attention to:

Changes in their mood

For example:

Appearing to be moodier than usual
Looking concerned and worried
Frequent emotional or anger outbursts such as crying, feeling irritable or a sense of worthlessness

Changes in
their behaviour

For example:

Not functioning well in daily activities (i.e. change in attitude with homework submission or avoidance of work tasks)
Not functioning well in social settings (i.e. difficulty performing familiar tasks, frequently missing out on social events)
Becoming disinterested in activities and things previously enjoyed
Experiencing significant changes to appetite (either increase or decrease)
Appearing constantly tired despite getting sufficient sleep
Having difficulties concentrating

Events in their life that
could affect them

For example:

Health issues
Rough financial times
Major transitions in life (i.e. change of schools or work environments, retirement)

Events in their life that could affect them

Changes in their mood

Changes in
their behaviour

Events in their life that
could affect them

Are we ready to support others?

To better support someone in need, we can ask ourselves:

Are we in the best position to help?

Consider if we are in the right headspace to offer our assistance
Check that we have sufficient time to meet their needs

Are our expectations managed well?

Understand that it may be difficult for people to open up and talk about their struggles
Be mindful to have patience when hearing them out
Remember the purpose of our support (i.e. to provide a listening ear, be a comforting presence, or simply to let them know we are there for them whenever they feel like sharing)

If we do not think we are ready, we can ask someone who can offer better support to do so instead.

How can we provide support?

When supporting others, starting a conversation can be the hardest part. To make it easier, we can keep in mind to:

Pick an appropriate time for the conversation

Let them know why we would like to have a conversation with them

Choose a quiet environment with enough privacy so that we can help them feel comfortable

To show our support for them, we can also act with CARE. Click on the CARE buttons below to learn what they stand for:

C

A

R

E

Respond Effectively

Communicate well to create a safe space that encourages someone to trust and open up to us. This
involves knowing what to say and when to say it during the conversation.

Instead of:

Trivialising their situation and
feelings by forcing our opinions on
them, such as saying:

“You’ll be fine, stop worrying.”
“There are others who have it worse.”

We can try:

Showing them that we understand their
point of view to help validate their feelings, such as saying:

“I understand that this must be tough on you…”
“It takes a lot of courage to share your feelings like this. I’m proud of you for being open with me.”

Instead of:

Asking close-ended questions such as:

“You feel sad, right?”
“Are you feeling better today?”

We can try:

Using open-ended questions to encourage them to share more. For example, we can say:

“How are you feeling today?”
“How’s it going?”
“What’s up? You seem a bit down. What’s on your mind?”
“Can you share with me more about…?”
“How does that make you feel?”

Instead of:

Trying to relate to them by taking over the conversation to share our own experiences and making them feel like their feelings are not heard or validated

We can try:

Making the conversation about them. For example, we can say:

“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or upset. Let’s talk about what’s making you feel that way.”

Instead of:

Jumping to conclusions, offering unsolicited advice, or trying to problem-solve for them, such as saying:

“If I were you, I would do this…”

We can try:

Letting them express how they feel without interrupting them.

Instead of:

Continuously prompting them to get a response, such as saying:

“I can’t help you if you don’t want to share.”
“I can’t read your mind.”

We can try:

Accepting silences during the conversation as this could mean:

They need a little more time to think.
They need a few moments to rein in their emotions.

For example, we can say:

“It’s okay to take some time for yourself to process your emotions. I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.”

Show Concern

Actively Listen

Respond Effectively

Be Empathetic

How can we
follow up after
our conversation?

Encourage Action

Motivate them to try out something that makes them feel better.
Help them learn how to care for their mental well-being by sharing these resources with them.

Try saying:

“What have you done in the past to manage similar situations?”
“What’s something you can do for yourself right now to make you feel better?”

Stay in touch

Stay in touch and be there for them.
Add a reminder to our calendar to reconnect with them. If we think they are struggling, get in touch earlier.

Try saying:

“It’s been a while since we caught up. How have you been?”

Advise them to seek professional help

Some conversations may be too big for us to take on alone. If we notice someone who is feeling low for more than two weeks, encourage them to seek professional help.

Encourage Action
Learn more
Stay in touch
Learn more
Advise them to seek professional help
Learn more

How can we better support seniors?

As seniors enter their golden years, we may start to see changes in their health and lifestyles. When supporting them,
we can care for their mental well-being just like we would their physical health.

To do so, we can:

Be more observant

They may feel reluctant to speak up in fear of being a burden. To make it easier for them to share their troubles with us, we can try being more sensitive to their behaviours.

For example, we can:

Observe their body language to better understand their feelings and thoughts
Break the ice by asking simple questions like “Have you eaten?”

Be patient

Sometimes, seniors may face difficulties communicating due to language barriers, troubles with their hearing, or dementia. We should try to be empathetic and patient with them as well as accommodate them where we can.

For example, we can:

Try to speak slowly and use simple words
Repeat ourselves (avoid getting frustrated or angry if we need to do so more than once)
Use other tools like writing or gestures to try to convey our message
Learn short phrases in their preferred language such as Malay, or dialects like Hokkien and Cantonese to help them get more comfortable with sharing

Stay in touch

We can also support seniors by spending time with them. This makes them feel cared for and allows us to connect with them.

For example, we can:

Bring them out for a meal or drink
Plan and schedule outings together with them
Check-in with them through visits or regular phone calls (if we do not live with them)
Accompany them to places where they may have the opportunity to foster new friendships

Supporting ourselves while
caring for others

Supporting those around us while juggling our own life’s demands can take a toll on our physical and mental well-being and make it harder for us to support those we care for. Hence, it is important for us to practise and prioritise self-care. It is also important to remember that there is no need to feel guilty about attending to our needs.

Refer to these tips on managing stress and emotions to keep ourselves healthy.

QUIZ

Discover your
supporting style

Curious about how you support others? Try this fun quiz to find out what your style is and learn some tips to
boost your supportive skills!

Start quiz

Useful resources and services

Thinking of checking in with someone we care for? Try these tools, chat stickers, and other useful resources to
help prepare and manage the conversation with ease.